A DANGER TO HERSELF AND OTHERS by Alyssa B. Sheinmel

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A Danger to Herself and Others is a YA novel that deals with mental illness and coming to terms with a diagnosis. The book is part mystery, part thriller and is a compelling and fast read.  I recommend it and I plan to read Sheinmel’s previous books. A Danger to Herself and Others grabbed me with the very first sentence: 

“When I first got here - when they brought me here - a man with blue pants and a matching shirt, both of which looked like they were made out of paper, asked me questions.”

We soon learn that our protagonist is Hannah Gold, a 17 year old high school student is in a mental institution after her roommate Agnes is in a terrible accident and she is a suspect.  Hannah keeps reminding herself and the reader that it is exactly that — an accident.  She wholeheartedly believes that her “imprisonment” is a huge mistake and is determined to correct it and get back to school.

A Danger to Herself and Others keeps the reader guessing and it’s not clear what’s real and what’s not. Is Hannah a reliable narrator? I was intrigued by Hannah’s description of the hospital’s setting the end of chapter 1 and the end of chapter 2, which led me to suspect that she is an unreliable narrator:

“I stand on my tiptoes to look out my small window and wait for the few plants and trees I can see to dry out and die.” (end of ch.1)

“It’s not true that I can only see a few plants from here. We’re actually in the middle of a forest. I was lying before.” (end of ch. 2)

One gets to know Hannah well through her internal thought process. Some of her thinking is pure stream of consciousness which I enjoyed reading, like at the beginning of chapter 5 when she looks at and contemplates the sky, then the ceiling, then the walls, and then the ceiling lights. From there she imagines what would happen if the bulbs stopped working. Would they let a maintenance worker come in her room to fix them, considering that they have labelled her “a danger to herself and others?” Would they send her outside? There is a lot more detail to these thoughts in Hannah’s mind. 

Sheinmel writes Hannah as witty and clever, which makes A Danger to Herself and Others a more entertaining read. For example, she nicknames her psychiatrist Dr. Lightfoot because she wears ballet slippers and taps the floor as she walks. Also, Hannah doles out interesting tidbits to ponder along the way.

"I suppose your name is the first thing that ever really belongs to you, but when you think about it, it’s not yours at all. Your parents chose it.”

“They needed someone to blame, and I was the only available scapegoat. Their daughter was my best friend. Playing the scapegoat was the least I could do under the circumstances.”

“Being locked up is absurdly boring. The monotony is enough to drive a sane person crazy.”

Some of Hannah’s thinking is amusing, which endears herself to the reader. She is a likable protagonist and I found myself rooting for her.

“I know a bedpan is supposed to be humiliating, but I have to disagree. There’s something oddly luxurious about not having to leave the bed to pee. And about the fact that someone else has to take your waste away. You don’t even have to flush it yourself.”

“I don’t feel like talking. I don’t feel like thinking, either. Thinking means doubting, and doubting means Lightfoot has gotten under my skin like a rash that won’t stop spreading. Doubt means I’m beginning to believe what she says about me. I wish there were an antidoubt drug I could take instead of whatever Lightfoot gave me.”

Hannah alludes to a classic psychology experiment in the early 1970s in which a psychologist and others easily get themselves admitted to a mental hospital after claiming they heard voices saying empty, hollow and thud. Once they are diagnosed and admitted, these pseudo patients explain that they are not insane and act normally. However, now that they have been labelled, all their subsequent behavior is viewed thru the mentally ill filter.  For example, they take copious notes since this is a research experiment but such behavior is considered obsessive-compulsive by the hospital staff.  The conclusion was essentially that one cannot differentiate between the sane and insane within the confines of a mental hospital.

“‘Whoa there,’  he says, reaching out to catch me. I want to shrug off his touch, but I don’t. He might report it to Dr. Lightfoot. I imagine her noting the incident in my file. Hannah Gold doesn’t like to be touched by nameless strangers. Out in the real world, that’s good common sense. In here, it’s a symptom."

“Well, I understand everything. I understand that Dr. Lightfoot is lying to me, playing some kind of game, enjoying a sick power trip. Maybe she’s still mad at me for getting locked out of my room the other day. Maybe she wants to remind me that she’s the one in control, that as long as I’m in this room, the truth is whatever she decides it is.”

But that is Hannah’s mission, as she sees it, to prove to them that she is completely fine, this has all been a terrible mistake and what happened to Agnes was an accident.  But does she know what she is really up against? Is her thinking in fact faulty and is she irrational?

Thank you to Sourcebooks Fire and NetGalley for an advanced reader copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

ALL THE UGLY AND WONDERFUL THINGS by Bryn Greenwood

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Note - this book is not for everyone so please familiarize yourself with the description in detail before deciding to read it.  

All the Ugly and Wonderful Things is a highly unusual book with an unconventional storyline that i was surprised to find that I liked (and didn’t like).  This book made me feel a lot and those feelings were highly varied, running the entire gamut — anger, disgust, fear, happiness, sadness, and surprise. Note that this list corresponds to the six basic emotions identified by Paul Ekman, a psychologist who pioneered the study of emotions. 

The writing and character development is outstanding. If a book is supposed to make us feel, then this has it in spades. I was immediately drawn in by the first sentence:

My mother always started the story by saying, “Well, she was born in the backseat of a stranger’s car,” as though that explained why Wavy wasn’t normal. 

This is a story of two very flawed human beings, both of who feel unwanted and worthless, who find what they need in each other.

The protagonist of the story is Wavy who we watch grow up.  Her childhood home life was unstable at best. Her father was rarely present because he was busy making illegal drugs. Her mother was unreliable and lacked the ability to nurture and love. Wavy never knew which mother she would encounter at any one time because her mother was a drug addict.

Then one day she woke up Scary Mama instead of Good Mama, and I knew things weren’t going to be different. I never knew which Mama she would be when she woke up.

Wavy’s mother traumatized and emotionally abused her with the result that she never ate in front of anyone and barely spoke. The responsibility for raising her younger brother Donal became Wavy’s because if she didn’t look after him, then no one would.

If anybody wanted to know why that kid [Wavy] never talked, I could’ve told them. That’s what happens when your mom grabs you by the hair, clamps her hand over your mouth, and gives you a good shake while screaming in your face, “Don’t you ever talk to people! You don’t talk to anyone!” That’s what Val did to Wavy when she was about three years old.

Sad Mama didn’t care when Donal cried, and he cried a lot. “I’m so alone,” she said. Donal and I didn’t count.

Reading about how Wavy is being raised is heartbreaking.  But her world suddenly changes when Kelllen enters her life. The chapters alternate with different POVs which I found greatly enhanced the telling of this story.

I absolutely loved the writing — here are a few of my favorites:

Right then, I realized I’d been going about things the wrong way. You make people interested in you by keeping secrets, not by passing them out like candy at Halloween.

The quizzes helped Renee empty her heart, and she filled it so quickly with the wrong things, it was no wonder she needed to empty it.

Renee ate in darting little bites and without chewing enough. The same way she filled her heart. Too quickly, and with too much talking and not enough feeling

Wavy made the face that meant, “Do you know what it’s like being me?” I honestly didn’t want to know, because she was pretty fucked up. I liked to play at tragedy, but she drank it out of her baby bottle.

ALL WE EVERR WANTED by Emily Giffin

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3.5 stars

This was the first book I read by Emily Giffin so I have no way to compare All We Ever Wanted to any of her many other books. However, given all I’ve heard about this author,  I was left feeling a bit disappointed. All I Ever Wanted felt too familiar and a bit predictable. While some of the dialogue was cliche, I enjoyed the multiple POVs.

While it was a fast and satisfactory read, All We Ever Wanted is not something I would ever re-read again. The writing was O.K. and the storyline was interesting but there was insufficient character development for my liking. No one was three-dimensional — I didn’t feel like I got to know anyone sufficiently to care. However, I was a little intrigued and interested to see how it moved forward. The ending felt abrupt and the 10 year later epilogue didn’t seem necessary. I think the story would’ve been better served with one more chapter in the present to wrap it up.

THE ONLY WOMAN IN THE ROOM by Marie Benedict

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The Only Woman in the Room is Marie Benedict’s third novel featuring a powerful woman overlooked by history — in this case, a female actress popular in the 1930s and 1940s named Hedwig Kiesler, who you might know by her stage name Hedy Lamarr.  All I knew about her was that she was an actress but I had never seen any of her movies.  There is so much more to learn about this extraordinary woman that I am sure The Only Woman in the Room will be a fascinating and engrossing read for many.  Furthermore, the story is very topical and relevant for current times because it deals head-on with misogyny.  

Hedy Lamarr was a beautiful and accomplished actress who also happened to be extremely smart, strong, clever, and determined. I felt like I got to know her through these pages and found her very likable while rooting for her all along her journey. Ms. Benedict does an outstanding job bringing Hedy Lamarr to life via words on the page.  It is well-written and it is clear that a vast amount of research went into this story,  making it a compelling read.  At its core, this is a story of self-discovery and self-acceptance with a lot of historical significance along the way.

Ms. Lamarr was Austrian and Jewish though she was not religious (not that the Nazis ever cared about such a distinction). In order to keep herself and her family safe, she married Fritz Mandl, the richest man in Austria who sold weapons to anyone and everyone, earning him the nickname the “Merchant of Death.” He forced her to make many sacrifices, including her acting career and her heritage. After they were married, Heddy learned quickly that he was an extremely controlling man.  He dictated her clothing choices and told her which shade of lipstick to wear.  But these were small things — ultimately, he became much worse.  She was confined behind seven locks on the door and was unable to go anywhere without his permission. The numerous servants made sure she obeyed his wishes.

There were only rules and locks and fury.  By imprisoning me, it seemed, he hoped to cage the rampant virus that was Hitler.  I became the unspoken emblem of the evil within and without whenever he needed a place to vent his anger.

During her time married to this monster, she listened and learned everything she could about his business as well as his dealings with Mussolini and Hitler. She had a scientific bent and her curiosity prompted her to invent things, which came in handy later as she invented signal frequency hopping technology, earning her a patent, which would have vastly improved the accuracy of torpedoes during WWII. However, her invention was discounted simply because she was a WOMAN!  The war would’ve ended sooner and lives would have been saved if gender didn’t get in the way of evaluating this new technology.  They told her she would be more effective if instead of trying to invent things, she sold War Bonds.  While she was confident she was much more than a pretty face, she conceded and in the course of one night, she sold $2,250,000 in war bonds! 

Thank you to Sourcebooks Landmark and NetGalley for an advanced reader copy in exchange for my honest review.

I OWE YOU ONE by Sophie Kinsella

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I give this book 3.5 stars.

While I Owe You One was a relaxing read, I think it would be best suited as a beach read — light fare that doesn’t require full attention. 

I read most of the Shopaholic series years ago and enjoyed it. With those expectations, I Owe You One was a disappointment.  While the story itself was interesting and the premise was unusual, the character development fell flat for me and I missed the humor that made the Shopaholic series so enjoyable to read.

The story follows Fixie, a nickname which encapsulates her need to fix everything and everyone sans herself. Yet she is the thing most in need of fixing but she seems oblivious to this fact.

The first paragraph drew me right in — I was intrigued and curious about the narrator:

The trouble with me is, I can’t let things go. They bug me. I see problems and I want to fix them, right here, right now. My nickname isn’t Fixie for nothing.

Fixie is somewhat pathetic and hardly relatable. While she is the main character, at best she is two dimensional whereas the other people surrounding her are one dimensional.  Fixie makes it difficult to root for her as she is not a likable character. She’s had a crush on her brother’s bestie since she was 10 years old and let’s him treat her poorly and practically begs for more. 

The plot device of I Owe You One was the most appealing aspect of this novel.  Fixie saves a guy’s laptop from a collapsing ceiling at a coffee shop and he is eternally grateful and “owes her one” for saving his computer, which he describes as his “life.” The favor switches back and forth between the two and actually makes for a good plot. If only Fixie was likable or relatable, this might have been a more enjoyable read. While her brother’s life is spiraling out of control, his redemption happens too quickly and too easily, making it hard to believe and accept. Ultimately, the story is about family and its importance in one’s life.

I Owe You One is a fast read but also very predictable. While the first half of the book was slow-going, it does pick up in the second half when the reader begins to care what happens to Fixie. The secondary characters were only mildly interesting at best. The book has its moments and some of the writing, albeit not enough, was classic Kinsella — clever and witty.

Hi Greg acts in good faith, no one doubts that, but his logic is random and unnerving. He’s like a computer on its last legs that works perfectly until it suddenly decides to email your whole in-box to Venezuela.

Distantly, I’m aware that I’m not speaking appropriately. But I can’t seem to stop myself. Sense has taken a back seat for now. Alcohol is in charge of talking. And Alcohol says, “Woo! Anything goes!

Thank you to The Dial Press and NetGalley for an advanced reader copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

THINGS YOU SAVE IN A FIRE by Katherine Center

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I absolutely loved How to Walk Away so I was very excited to see that Katherine Center has a new book.  Fans of Center will not be disappointed.

Cassie is a firefighter and is faced with having to relocate from Texas to Massachusetts to help her mother with her medical problems.  She quickly discovers that her new department is not nearly as progressive and female-friendly as Austin’s, which even had a female chief. Cassie finds that she has to prove herself again and again to be accepted as “one of the guys.”

Cassie lives a very predictable and regimented life. She likes it like that. She needs to to be in control of her life at all times after two unpredictable and tragic events traumatized her on her 16th birthday

Because of these traumatic experiences, Cassie has successfully insulated herself from getting close to others, but now she finds herself craving companionship and love. You see, Cassie has a big crush on the rookie firefighter at her new department but she knows that if anything were to happen between them, she would lose her job and career. But sometimes, as hard as one may try, you can’t stop love.

Center has a talent for creating characters with such depth, that you truly feel like you know them.  Cassie is believable, relatable, genuine, and admirable. At the same time, she faces major psychological struggles that you or I might have encountered as well — emotionally blocked and isolated, estranged mother, doesn’t believe in love, etc.

Things You Save in a Fire is about Cassie’s journey to psychological maturity and confronting the issues holding her back from love and enjoying life. Her biggest obstacle and lesson she needs to learn is forgiveness of others and of herself. I was rooting for Cassie and experienced her transformation. 

We feel so many different emotions along with Cassie, such as joy, anger, trust, surprise, etc.  I was particularly moved when she experiences empathy and compassion for her mother.

“For the first time, I understood. In all the times I’d remembered that story, I’d experienced every single part of it from my own perspective, standing in my own sixteen-year-old shoes. Now, for the first time, I saw it unfold from a new angle. Hers. And it changed the story.”

This book has all the elements — drama, love, suspense, heroism, a little humor, and secrets! It is well written with three-dimensional characters. We get to know the inner struggles of these characters and the motivations for their behavior.  

The first line of the novel grabbed me and it never let me go.

“The night I became the youngest person—and the only female ever—to win the Austin Fire Department’s Valor Award, I got propositioned by my partner.”

I really enjoy Katherine Center’s writing (see examples below) and am looking forward to reading her earlier books while I wait for her next one.

“...two ladies pulled out dress after dress, holding them up in front of me, then tossing them in rejection piles on the bed. Too purple, they’d decide. Or: Too bright. Too dark. Too flashy. Too plain. Too stiff. Too floppy. Too many pleats. Too teenagery. Too old-lady. Too much cleavage. Not enough cleavage. And on and on.”

“Down in Texas, everybody had been robust and tan. Here, they looked like ashtrays.”

Thank you to St. Martin’s Press and NetGalley for an advanced reader copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

WHERE THE CRAWDADS SING by Delia Owens

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Sometimes you finish a book and while feeling good because you really enjoyed it, you also feel sad because you have to say goodbye to the people you’ve come to love. That is how I feel about Where the Crawdads Sing. 

To say that this debut novel from Delia Owens is a magnificent and delightful read is an understatement. Delia Owens has an eye for detail and her expertise and appreciation for nature shines through. This is an amazing novel with lyrical writing and expertly developed characters. As an example of Owen’s skill, these quotes illustrate her gift for stringing together words in a mesmerizing way as she establishes the setting:

Marsh is not swamp.  Marsh is a space of light, where grass grows in water, and water flows into the sky.  

The marsh was guarded by a torn shoreline, labeled by early explorers as the “Graveyard of the Atlantic” because riptides, furious winds, and shallow shoals wrecked ships like paper hats along what would become the North Carolina coast.

Those looking for serious land moved on, and this infamous marsh became a net, scooping up a mishmash of mutinous sailors, castaways, debtors, and fugitives dodging wars, taxes, or laws that they didn’t take to.

At first I wasn’t so sure about this book...girl lives in Marsh? Feral? But it surpassed my highest standards and moved me to such an extent like few books do. The story revolves around Kya, whose entire life we follow, beginning at 6 years old.  In the opening pages, we see Kya’s Mother leave the house and walk away.  I felt emotionally attached to Kya at this early point in the story, while she waits to see her Mother wave but she never does and Kya begins to wonder if she will ever return. 

 It is a tale of survival, courage, love, and a search for self. It is virtually impossible not to feel compassion for Kya as we bear witness to her life. We feel along with her, running the emotional spectrum from anger to joy, with stops along the way at despair, loneliness and contentment to name just a few.  We root for her, cry with her and celebrate with her. 

Where the Crawdads Sing is ultimately about independence, courage and the will to survive. The book explores themes of trust/betrayal and love/hate plus a murder mystery is added in to the mix. I cherished the reading of this book and it’s unfolding story. As trite as it sounds, I must confess that I did not want it to end. Also, I found myself thinking about the book when I wasn’t reading it and, not just after finishing it like other books, but throughout reading it. I cannot recommend this book highly enough — for the characters, the story and the writing.